I need to vent, oh how i need to vent. Maybe its the long cold winter, or maybe I am drinking the wrong brand of coffee. Anyways, I can't tell you how much stuff just annoys me lately, and hopefully writing them down will make it funny. I really really hope so......
My 4 year old who is able to dress herself insists she can't. My 1 year old insists on dressing herself, and will not accept help of any kind. " NO NO NO!!!" ( while sporatically shaking head from side to side).
How the heck do you teach politness without losing it completely?" Do not fart at the table, please" . Better yet, do not anounce to the whole wide world ( or Walmart whatever the case may be) that you've just " tooted!" . Do not spit on the carpet like a pitcher on the mound with a cheek full of chew.
And jeepers, how do you deal with innocent yet sexual looking situations. " Look Mom! Hannah is my horsey!" Keep in mind this is a 4 year old bouncing on a 1 year old. Both are laughing and having a grand old time. But it looks to much like dogs humping.
Come on girls, we are going to be late.
" Look Mom! S L O W M O T I O N . . . . . . .
First of all...serenity now!
Second of all.....WHO taught her this stuff?!?!?!
Is it normal for a 4 year old to constantly put everything in her mouth. I mean anything! When I got my siamese cat ( rest his soul) I read that if you weaned a cat to early they would chew and suck on wool or other fabric for their whole lives. This is the wisdom I brought to Motherhood....
She is always chewing on something. A bracelet, her shirt, her sister. And the LICKING! She loves to lick stuff. Books at the Library ( where she used to also get naked with her little friends, thank goodness that has passed), toys at the YMCA, me, her Father, the windows. " Mom, look i'm a kitty....."
YUCK!
When you have a baby you slowly learn her different cries and what they mean. The same is true with Toddlers screams......
There is:
The " I am tired so STEP OFF!" scream
The " That was MY cookie!" scream
The " I am faking this so you get busted" scream
The" I am so happy to be alive!" scream ( usually paired with laughing and running)
our newest addition is
The" I just removed my diaper and am running " nakers" through the house with much zeal and abandon" scream
A 1 year olds Vocabulary
doo dwee do-where are you
hi-hi
dy dy- bye bye
Nnnnnoooooo!-no
Baba-bottle ( with milk, it better NOT be water!)
bow bow- blues clues
wah wah wah wah- Wow Wow Wubbsy
dee, det, doh!-ready, set, go!
shush-shoes
shush-juice
shush-socks
( you can see the problem....)
gkahhhk-something dirty, like a poopy diaper
Trash Cans are For Trash
Trash includes: wrappers, dirty diapers, old newspapers, empty " to go" cups.
Trash cans are NOT for: your sisters toys that she will not share, shush, shush, cell phones, money, empty bottles, books or keys.
Thing to NEVER do in front of your kids.....
-eat chocolate when you don't plan to share
-sit down
-read a book
-take a a poo
-take a shower
-check your email
-pick your nose
-belch really loud
-make a schedule
-work out
-work out on a step
-taxes
-bills
-fold laundry
-lay down
-lay down and close your eyes ( sobbing..."Mama, get up!"
-laugh so hard you cry (sobbing....." Mama, stop!"
Well, i just reread what i wrote and laughed out loud right here in Hardees. I got some looks, but so what. I think I like my kids again. I'll always love them, liking them is a daily process.
